I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
