You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
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