You can't special order awesome
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
