dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize