listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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