never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
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