the new term for farting is butt boxing.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
