I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
