You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
