Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
