Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
