good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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