I think i sorta joined a cult last night
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
