There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
