There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Randomize
