It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize