I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize