so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize