Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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