you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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