just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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