You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
