What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
