You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I checked into jail on foursquare
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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