dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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