i think my tv is drunk
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
