and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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