She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
