he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
