Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
