I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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