He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
