I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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