clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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