I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
