Duck Duck Cougar?
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
