Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
