I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
