i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
