i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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