Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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