I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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