8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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