Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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