I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
