Got a toothbrush?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
