You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
