he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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