So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Randomize
