You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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