I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
