Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
