Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
