he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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