i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
