ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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