I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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