he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize