i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
