Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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