You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
