my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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