You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
