He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just cut my nipple shaving
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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