So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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