I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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