i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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