It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
