dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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