saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
