she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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