So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
they need to just BURY HIM!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
