I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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