She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
