he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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