Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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