Dude my mom stole all your condoms
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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