so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
