Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
