I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
