my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
