Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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