Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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