It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My bed smells like the plague
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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